today at clinical i toured a new community health facility. i was amazed with how big it was—it had dental, womens health, family practice, a lab and pharmacy, preventative medicine, a room for exercise classes, a demo kitchen to teach healthy cooking. It was amazing. and the work they were doing there seemed good too, giving quality, low-cost care those who didnt have insurance.
the woman who gave me the tour asked how much longer i had in nursing school, and when i told her i graduated in may, she told me that i should keep my eye out for job openings there because they were gonna hire a lot of nurses, and to email her if i did apply.
i thought it was really nice of her to tell me that, at first i was happy. but then it hit me. in may, the real world starts. i’ll likely have to move retty far to get a job as a nurse with no experience.
I have always dreaded this idea, but i figured that i could probably make some kind of adventure out of whereever i ended up.
Now I’m scared. Terrified.
Not becasue of the distance form everyone and everything ive ever known, or the crzy culture shock that comes from going from the bay area to pretty much anywhere else in the world, not because of the possibility of not making it—those things will all hit me later im sure.
What about me and Matt? He said he would go with me where i went, but i know i cant really expect that depending on where i would end up.
im just terrified of having to chose between the love of my life and chasing the dream that i have worked so hard for. and you can sit and say that if we loved each other we would find a way…but the unfortunate truth is that some people are meant to fall in love but not meant to be together. I think its the cruelest thing.
What is meant to be will be when its all said and done, But i hope more than almost anything that we are meant to be together.